HIV tests are more positive than that guy
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
