Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize