i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I made him laugh his dick is mine
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
