My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I'm always down for nudity.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
