Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize