I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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