No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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