You're completely useless in the revolution.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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