it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Randomize
