i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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