areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
