Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
