I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
