There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
They are going to name an STD after you.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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