redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
