there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
