Can Purell be used as lube?
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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