i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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