If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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