dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
