i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
