this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I just found puke in my bra..
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
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