it wasn't lemon gatorade
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
