Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
