It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
