can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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