Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
