PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I looked at my own cervix.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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