speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
you didnt know i had herpes?
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
