Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Oh god it's open bar.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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