winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
