Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
