Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
