Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
