Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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