Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
