Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Edward fifth and chaser hands
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
