My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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