you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Randomize
