I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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