I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
