i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
