ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
