You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
