I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
It was like getting head from an anaconda
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
