There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
