FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
