She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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