I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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