I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
